Tense. Yes, as I think about it now, that is one of the issues. Past tense? Future tense? Just plain tense?
The times between posts here get much longer again. That’s happened before, and maybe it will shorten again, but this time it feels more tense. A tension has been here all along regarding how long this will continue, whether the threads of narrative that have shaken loose will be followed through. Through to what? When I think about that, it’s in the future tense. I guess I am future-tense. This time it’s felt, for a while, up to writing this post, as if it has stopped moving. The shard is where we last left it, and there’s not been any deliberate effort to clean up the blood. And that can’t be it’s final resting place.
Is it because, as I think I put it before, I’ve become a lump on other blogs? Or is it the friendships that I seem to be fanning into flames this year, opening myself in a way similar to the opening of the writing, the opening of the heart into words that don’t always need to make an immediate sense, that allow for a tense that anticipates sense? Does tense perhaps always anticipate sense, whether past, present, or future?
Ah, here is what was trying to occur to me this morning: Friendships are to “agreement” as intimacy is to “sex,” perhaps (or better: to its afterglow)? The heat of the intimacy is in some sense born of the flesh that we both are and share, and we so easily mistake that for lust, for a narrow sort of arousal. The fire of friendship is stoked by both the proximity and the friction of minds and hearts that make themselves vulnerable and trust in the face of an ever-present danger of violence. But the fuel here cannot all be of the same material, or there would not be the right kind of friction, the best (precisely because risky and dangerous) kind of heat generated.
We use the words “thinking” and “thought” for something that is a different sort of together from the together of intimacy. Do we take thought as wanting to find rest in an intimacy, when it thrives, moves, has its being (verb) in tension–not in past, present, or future tense, but in just being tense? Surely it is right to think that there is an intimacy required for thought, both at interpersonal and intrapersonal levels. But do we confuse that intimacy with resting in a sort of stasis that we take to be agreement?
This may be part of why the shard’s edges, and especially its sharp point, can cut. it may be one of the places where the edges fall against a spinning stone and thus retain their sharpness.
Live and in person!
Bruce cuts loose?
There’s a shuffling (off to Buffalo?), a slouching (towards Bethlehem?), and the facets may gather.
Leave it tense for now, some voice tells me.