Inviting some to read, I’ve used the word ‘secret.’ Let me clarify [something I won’t always do here, because I reject the ideology that says lack of clarity is always bad].
A secret is something that one might or might not be “in on.” It also implies that something is being hidden. One reader has already urged me not to “hide behind quotes.” That’s fair, and I’ll work on it. But part of the experiment is with the idea that “hiding” is not just what I do, but what I am.
Who am I (who is “one”) hiding from? Sure, part of what I want is some power over who is invited to read this while being one of the “in ons.” Other social and face-to-face networks I’m involved in require a lot of energy budgeting. Others respond, and I sometimes don’t have the energy to engage them to any significant degree. They (das Man) probably think this is a kind of hiding too, a failure on my part. Here I experiment with actually saying “tough shit” to that, outright. Responses are ALWAYS welcome (ASK), but if you want a place where you can post responses and then argue with others as well as me, that’s not here. If THAT is hiding in some reprehensible sense, then I’m guilty.
But make no mistake. I’m serious when I express profound doubts that this will actually be a secret in a way that people might expect when they hear that word. The secret is mainly from myself (as well as about my self). If there’s really someone that I hide from, it’s “I.” The experiment is, in part, to chase whatever it is that does this hiding, or find out that it is only the hiding that is being chased. In other words, if there’s someone this blog is “a secret” to and for, it’s really just ME.
‘Secret’ might also suggest that you’ll see something here that is radically unlike what you expect from the person who I’m acting as though I’m sort of not. There’s no promise that this will be the case. One possible outcome of the experiment is that you’ll be able to smile and tell him, “see? It was just you all along.” [My favorite comment so far from a friend is that there is no secret here, but “just an obtuse introduction.”] I may not surprise myself, let alone you. But I may surprise myself even if I don’t surprise you. It would be most interesting if we were both surprised, but there’s no guarantee.